Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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