My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
