I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
