I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
