his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
