tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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