i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
