i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
