I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
