sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
