i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
