I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
