Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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