I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
