naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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