Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
