he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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