TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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