ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
