i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
