His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just google imaged poop.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
