she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
found the other keg... it's in the tree
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
