Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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