atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
