I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
