You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
