the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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