i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
