I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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