I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
