drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
