I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
