Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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