And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
