How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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