based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You may now shotgun with the bride
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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