i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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