I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
