I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Drunk is not a location!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
