Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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