I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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