I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
