guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
