She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
