is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
