my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
