she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
