i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
