I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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