i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
