the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
