Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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